Medical update: surgery went well, as Josh said in his update. There were two lymph nodes that were inoperable due to their location attached to an aortic artery and urethra. While this was not what we were hoping for, it is a precious reminder to trust God and not man (Ps 118:9). My surgeon did the best he could and made the difficult decision to not remove these two lymph nodes.
I was discharged after 2 days in the hospital. Thank God. Josh was only allowed to visit from 10 am to 6 pm. I was thankful for this, but still left my heart aching for those who have long hospital stays and are alone for so long.
The nursing staff on the med/surg floor left much to be desired giving me medications that were discontinued on my chart and therefore should not have been administered. I asked what every medication was before accepting it and was able to catch four instances of incorrect medication being brought in pill form or placed in my IV. I share this as a reminder to look out for yourself and those you care for as we navigate the medical community – ask tons of questions. Banner Gateway was short staffed with nurses and one of my nurses seemed quite complacent – swearing in his communication with me and colleagues.
Since being home, I have been able to rest and heal. My mom and Josh have been taking care of the girls and me. Meals have been provided and our church community has cared for the girls so my mom could drive me to therapy and doctor appointments while Josh worked. I am overwhelmed with God’s provision placing us in a Body of Christ who bears one another’s burdens humbly and with such care – all for God’s glory.
I should be getting my post op drain out next week. I have a seroma (pocket of fluid) that has been drained twice post op and hopefully won’t come back as I have compression bandages now.
Lymphedema remains a hurdle but I have a wonderful therapist who is making sure I have all of the tools I need to get back to am active lifestyle keeping up with the girls.
My biggest spiritual/emotional struggle is accepting my limitations. I am eager to return to the good works that God has prepared for me caring for my family and serving in my church. I am wrestling with this likely because returning to some semblance of normal would also allow me to forget the gravity of what our family is going through.
God has been teaching me that I don’t need to escape my trials or the pain or the grief. My Savior is acquainted with grief and He knows my sorrow.
And He went a little beyond them, and fell on His face and prayed, saying, “My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; yet not as I will, but as You will.”
Matthew 26:39 NASB1995
Jesus knows the tension of accepting God’s will and yet also asking that God might accomplish it another way. While I understand that my situation is miniscule compared with the magnitude of the Cross, it is comforting that our Savior shared in our human emotions.
Through this trial, God is teaching me contentment. As I am wrestling with accepting God’s will for my life, He is showing me that this wrestling is discontentment. God has ordained this specific set of circumstances in my life for His glory and I can thank Him for all things – good and bad because He is good.
Woe to the one who quarrels with his Maker— An earthenware vessel among the vessels of earth! Will the clay say to the potter, ‘What are you doing?’ Or the thing you are making say, ‘He has no hands’? Woe to him who says to a father, ‘What are you begetting?’ Or to a woman, ‘To what are you giving birth?’ ” Thus says the Lord, the Holy One of Israel, and his Maker: “Ask Me about the things to come concerning My sons, And you shall commit to Me the work of My hands. It is I who made the earth, and created man upon it. I stretched out the heavens with My hands And I ordained all their host.
Isaiah 45:9-12 NASB1995
God is teaching me to accept all that He brings. The tension I feel in my emotions as my heart yearns for situational comfort and my pre surgery body is discontentment. God’s ways are perfect. His word is sufficient for all things. By this, I can know that my trials are light and momentary. My eternity is secure with Christ and thus I do not fear death. I can be content in all circumstances.
And so I choose to praise Him – that He is holy and good and kind and just. That He gives us grace upon grace. His word tells me that God’s grace is sufficient for me, that in my weakness, God’s power is made perfect. So I can boast in my weaknesses that Christ may dwell in me. 2 Corinthians 12:9
Thank you for the prayers, encouragement and help. We thank God for our community.
This song has been precious to me over the last two years and continues to help as I grieve. Grief is not sin, but I can easily waft its way in to sin… But 1 Cor 10:13 ☝🏻 Praise God.
We continue to pray for you,Josh and the girls.
I wish this wasn’t happening to you. Holding space for you.