I have been attending twice-weekly appointments for lymphedema therapy to manage the swelling. I have been blessed with friends and family to drive me the 100 miles round trip for each appointment! The conversations have been a blessing. It’s not often I get to have two hours of adult conversation. I’m not complaining though, as conversations with my husband, 8-, 6- and 4-year-olds are a blessing as well.

That being said, my lymphedema appointments will be moving to a location in Paradise Valley – less than half the distance. I will be able to drive myself. And while this is an exciting new development, I will treasure the long drives with those who arranged their days to care for me over the last two months.

Tomorrow I have my second post-op immunotherapy and a PET CT scan. It will be interesting to see what’s going on. Josh will go with me while my mom stays with the girls. Our first appointment with bloodwork is at 6:30, so it’s an early wake-up call.

We look forward to spending Christmas with Josh’s family on Christmas Eve and heading up to Pinetop to spend time with my mom, sister, aunt, and uncle after Christmas.

God has been supplying us with the strength and grace we need for each day. He continues to bless us in unexpected ways with meals, gift cards, and gifts for the girls. He also continues to bless us with the hope that we have in Him – an anchor for our souls as we walk this road. There can be joy in the midst of it – not without grief and sorrow, but joy nonetheless.

I encourage you to listen to this sermon from our pastor this last weekend about the peace we have in Christ. It was such an encouragement to continue to grow in my relationship with Jesus – knowing Christ is the only way to lasting peace. I pray that you will know Him and the peace that He brings through the Gospel.

Prayer Request: That Josh and I would continue to rely on God’s strength. That this scan would show no cancer, and that if it does show cancer that we would trust God’s perfect will with praise and thanksgiving.

Thank you all for coming alongside us in prayer and support. We are overwhelmed with gratitude. Merry Christmas!

I was discharged after 2 days in the hospital. Thank God. Josh was only allowed to visit from 10 am to 6 pm. I was thankful for this, but still left my heart aching for those who have long hospital stays and are alone for so long.

The nursing staff on the med/surg floor left much to be desired giving me medications that were discontinued on my chart and therefore should not have been administered. I asked what every medication was before accepting it and was able to catch four instances of incorrect medication being brought in pill form or placed in my IV. I share this as a reminder to look out for yourself and those you care for as we navigate the medical community – ask tons of questions. Banner Gateway was short staffed with nurses and one of my nurses seemed quite complacent – swearing in his communication with me and colleagues.

Since being home, I have been able to rest and heal. My mom and Josh have been taking care of the girls and me. Meals have been provided and our church community has cared for the girls so my mom could drive me to therapy and doctor appointments while Josh worked. I am overwhelmed with God’s provision placing us in a Body of Christ who bears one another’s burdens humbly and with such care – all for God’s glory.

I should be getting my post op drain out next week. I have a seroma (pocket of fluid) that has been drained twice post op and hopefully won’t come back as I have compression bandages now.

Lymphedema remains a hurdle but I have a wonderful therapist who is making sure I have all of the tools I need to get back to am active lifestyle keeping up with the girls.

My biggest spiritual/emotional struggle is accepting my limitations. I am eager to return to the good works that God has prepared for me caring for my family and serving in my church. I am wrestling with this likely because returning to some semblance of normal would also allow me to forget the gravity of what our family is going through.

God has been teaching me that I don’t need to escape my trials or the pain or the grief. My Savior is acquainted with grief and He knows my sorrow.

And He went a little beyond them, and fell on His face and prayed, saying, “My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; yet not as I will, but as You will.”

Matthew 26:39 NASB1995

Jesus knows the tension of accepting God’s will and yet also asking that God might accomplish it another way. While I understand that my situation is miniscule compared with the magnitude of the Cross, it is comforting that our Savior shared in our human emotions.

Through this trial, God is teaching me contentment. As I am wrestling with accepting God’s will for my life, He is showing me that this wrestling is discontentment. God has ordained this specific set of circumstances in my life for His glory and I can thank Him for all things – good and bad because He is good.

Woe to the one who quarrels with his Maker— An earthenware vessel among the vessels of earth! Will the clay say to the potter, ‘What are you doing?’ Or the thing you are making say, ‘He has no hands’? Woe to him who says to a father, ‘What are you begetting?’ Or to a woman, ‘To what are you giving birth?’ ” Thus says the Lord, the Holy One of Israel, and his Maker: “Ask Me about the things to come concerning My sons, And you shall commit to Me the work of My hands. It is I who made the earth, and created man upon it. I stretched out the heavens with My hands And I ordained all their host.

Isaiah 45:9‭-‬12 NASB1995

God is teaching me to accept all that He brings. The tension I feel in my emotions as my heart yearns for situational comfort and my pre surgery body is discontentment. God’s ways are perfect. His word is sufficient for all things. By this, I can know that my trials are light and momentary. My eternity is secure with Christ and thus I do not fear death. I can be content in all circumstances.

And so I choose to praise Him – that He is holy and good and kind and just. That He gives us grace upon grace. His word tells me that God’s grace is sufficient for me, that in my weakness, God’s power is made perfect. So I can boast in my weaknesses that Christ may dwell in me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

Thank you for the prayers, encouragement and help. We thank God for our community.

This song has been precious to me over the last two years and continues to help as I grieve. Grief is not sin, but I can easily waft its way in to sin… But 1 Cor 10:13 Praise God.

Lord from Sorrows Deep I Call

Doctor said the procedure went well.

Please continue to pray for Tory’s recovery, as it can be lengthy and challenging.

Soli Deo Gloria!

– Josh

I will post an update once I have it.

– Josh

The recovery will be about 4-6 weeks. I will be adjusting the meal train calendar with dates for childcare and meals.

We are thankful for the continued support and prayers. My current prayer request is that I would not give in to anxiety and fear but would continue to trust in God’s sovereignty (more requests below). I know He will continue to provide for all of my needs and bless me abundantly beyond.

I am feeling well this week and able to enjoy a trip to the beach with my family, mom, sister, aunt and uncle.

As you can see, I am blessed beyond measure. I am very thankful for this time of fellowship and rest before the work of recovery begins.

For those who are praying: I am intimidated at the surgery. It is intense. I will need to rely on God’s strength, not my own. The surgeon will need to be so precise – as all surgeons do I suppose. Josh will need strength as well as he will take on more. My mom will need strength as she is helping with the girls. We will all need to look to Christ.

The steadfast of mind You will keep in perfect peace, Because he trusts in You.

Isaiah 26:3 NASB1995

This is certainly a difficult season, but trust that God is working in each hurdle and milestone. We thank Him that we are walking this path and know He is near to us at each step.

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.

Romans 8:28 NASB1995

Thank you to those who have checked in when I hadn’t updated in a while. Your care is appreciated.

Friday is my next treatment and appointment with the surgeon.

As I write, I am waiting for a PET scan. This will determine if the treatment is working. We will have the results on Friday.

Regardless of what the PET scan shows, God knows exactly what is happening in my body and that gives me comfort. He has each of our days numbered before we are born. We won’t die one second before we are supposed to because God is sovereign over all, worthy of all of our praise.

I am feeling well after a rough week of side effects which subsided just in time for my Dad’s celebration. Thank you for your prayers.

To God be the glory.

Unfortunately the stomach issue side effects of immunotherapy have kept me in bed today.

We had a nice dinner last night with my mom and sister. My mom headed back home today to get ready for my dad’s memorial on the 18th. It is so nice to have her here to help.

Josh brought a recliner from my mom’s condo to our house today, so I will have a comfy chair to rest in.

Thank you for all the prayers and encouragement. God is good.

But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.

James 1:5

We trust that God will lead us as we seek Him and His wisdom.

I also have a brain scan next Tuesday, so we are praying that the melanoma has not metastasized there. I continue to pray for each of my organs that God would protect them from the side effects of immunotherapy.

My mom will be driving from Pinetop on Thursday to help with the girls over the weekend, so we are praying for her safe travels.

Also, I would be remiss to share this update without an overwhelming amount of praise and thankfulness for all that God has provided for us. We have been showered with meals, help with the girls, homeschooling help, general offers for help, visits from friends, financial help, and even a generous provision of a cleaning service. The generosity of the community with which God has surrounded us has been overwhelming. We continue to be in awe of the love of God that is being poured out through the people around us.

The girls are in their third week of homeschool. I have been well enough to continue with our regular routine – thank God! Josh is going strong with his job, working from home. He is a pillar of strength for all of us in the midst of the uncertainty and roller coaster of emotions.

I am very serious when I ask how I can be praying for you (even though I’m not sure who all reads these updates). It would be my privilege to pray for you, as well.

I am doing well – truly well! I have a bit of tummy trouble but nothing a bit of time on the couch and in bed with my girls couldn’t handle. I have the skin rash they told me about which is itchy. Back in 2016, I had PUPPPS for several months after my pregnancy with C. PUPPPS is a heat-triggered rash that was terribly itchy with no cure, although eventually it just went away. I was miserable holding and nursing a tiny, newborn heat source. I ended up making a recipe of essential oils that seemed to be the only thing to relieve the itch and well, I still have it! Good thing, too, because oils are expensive, so now I’m really getting my money’s worth. I’m so thankful that it helps.

Tonight, we told the girls that I have cancer. Thus far, they knew I was not well, but not the specifics. This was something I was dreading because I didn’t want them to worry. We asked if they had any questions and the little two asked to play with Play Doh. Ha!

E had plenty of questions, though, and tears and fears. I had dreaded this and considered not telling her unless things got worse. But God’s promises that give me hope are as much for her as they are for anyone else. So as each question arose, we talked about the fact that God promises to take care of us no matter what. And that if I do die, I would be with Jesus and that God would provide for them in ways we can’t even imagine. I told her I hope that I don’t die. God has given me the best job ever – to raise them up to know Him and love Him all for His glory. But if God has something else in mind, E can trust Him. Her fears melted away as we talked even about the tough reality of losing me. It was remarkable, to say the least.

It is better to go to a house of mourning
Than to go to a house of feasting,
Because that is the end of every man,
And the living takes it to heart.

Ecclesiastes 7:2

In the end, I am glad that we were honest with the girls. Truth is not a burden. It is a reality for all of us. We will all face our end and these are important things to think about, even if they are so incredibly painful.

My brain scan today was canceled as I am still waiting on an MRI card that contains necessary information regarding my prosthetic stapes (ear bone – the smallest bone in your body!). Hopefully, I will have that soon so we can make sure my brain is clear but I’m already receiving treatment, so there isn’t a huge rush.

Thank you all so much for your kindness and encouragement. It continues to overwhelm us.

God is good.