At the end of June, I discovered a lump in the lymph nodes in my groin (inguinal lymph nodes). Because I had melanoma in 2010, I made an appointment at MD Anderson’s clinic. After a PET scan showed that I indeed had tumor activity in my inguinal lymph nodes, I had a biopsy surgery on August 2nd. As we waited for the biopsy results, we knew that it was either lymphoma or melanoma. The biopsy revealed that I have malignant melanoma.
This news has been scary to digest. There are plenty of questions and fears and impatience in waiting for doctor’s appointments and test results. But we are walking this road with hope! No matter what happens, we know and trust that God is working all of this for our good and His glory. Many people see suffering and blame God, but our faith encounters suffering knowing that God uses the brokenness of this world to accomplish His purposes. We don’t always know what His purpose is, but we have already seen how God has blessed us with family and friends coming alongside us with prayer and support. We are so thankful.
As many of you know, we lost Josh’s dad in April 2020 and my dad in April 2021. Throughout both of their cancers, it was overwhelming to see how God’s timing was at work for appointments and scheduling, to see His provision with medical equipment, rides to radiation and chemo appointments, childcare so that I could spend time with my dad and father-in-law. I really could keep going with the many examples of God working in all of the details of their care. My mom and Nanci documented many of them on each dad’s CaringBridge pages. It’s truly amazing. We were so grateful for all these blessings in the midst of an extremely difficult time.
And now, here we are – on one hand, soberly aware of the outcomes that cancer has and on the other hand, able to walk into this with such hope! First of all, I am confident that if I die, I will be worshiping Jesus in heaven for all of eternity. Worst case scenario, I will be with the One who reconciled me to Himself despite my sin – a result of His love and power and sacrifice – nothing I earned, nor deserved. Knowing this brings me comfort and hope in the midst of the difficult reality that we all will face death at one time or another.
But God has blessed me so richly in this life with a steadfast husband and three beautiful girls, a wonderful mother and mother in law and so many extended family members whom I love dearly. When I imagine leaving them behind, it is difficult. It is my sincere hope to continue to live and bring glory to God for as long as He allows, raising my girls to know Him and His great love for us. We are praying for full healing, surrendered to God’s perfect will.
The purpose of this journal is to share the hope that I have in Jesus Christ as we walk through this path that God has purposed for us according to His will. We will also share medical updates and various needs as they arise. I am new to using PostHope for updates, but it doesn’t have ads and CaringBridge is depressing for me – I wanted something different.
I have an appointment with a melanoma oncologist tomorrow morning at MD Anderson, Dr. Mahmoud. We still don’t have a clear picture of the specifics of this diagnosis as I have yet to complete a brain scan. This will determine if it has metastasized there. We are also waiting on genetic and mutation testing results on my biopsy that will help to determine a targeted treatment plan.
Thank you sincerely for reading this far. If I might share some verses that I have been meditating on:
Nevertheless I am continually with You;
You have taken hold of my right hand.
With Your counsel You will guide me,
And afterward receive me to glory.
Whom have I in heaven but You?
And besides You, I desire nothing on earth.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
For, behold, those who are far from You will perish;
You have destroyed all those who are unfaithful to You.
But as for me, the nearness of God is my good;
I have made the Lord God my refuge,
That I may tell of all Your works.
Psalms 73:23-28
Cast My Cares (My Portion) – Live | The Worship Initiative feat. Shane & Shane
^^ This song is amazing and has so much encouragement and hope.